The End of Suffering

The self identity that makes judgments, formulates theories and chooses to take action is in actuality a small component of the totality of who you really are. This can be proven objectively in moment to moment experience by simply paying attention. There is no further requirement for your enlightenment, in fact. This is not to say that the simple act of observing the totality of your experience rather then being absorbed into the chaotic vortex of incessant mental noise is easy. It requires that you let go of something that you've been tightly clutching onto for the majority of your life. Letting go doesn't mean blocking out or ignoring the mind and its constant activity. It means that you see the mental structure of self identity and your thought stream from the vantage point of the totality of your felt existence. Allow the mind to think freely, and allow the chaos to thrive whenever something powerful like the terror of fear enters the space of your experience. Avoidance...

When I first entered college, about 10 years ago, I was introduced to Marijuana by a friend. It made me feel like every sensation was amplified, and that it's almost like I could 'feel' my mind. Throughout the years, I occasionally found myself going back to the stuff. I felt in the back of my mind like something deeply important was being illuminated. Smoking weed for me is like this potential doorway into the understanding of self through suffering. All of my deepest darkest fears rise to the surface, and haunt me to edge of my life. This horrifying reality is somehow a wonderful teacher. It showed me night and day how the subconscious nature of my mind is: as Alan Watts would say, "a quaking mess". Overwhelming feelings of fear and anxiety commonly overtook me after smoking weed. Though, there were always times like now, when a more calm, centered-self prevailed, and those more primal and frankly self destructive tendencies to focus on negative feelings diminis...